Life of a Sea Wife

One Morning Near Maine

2011-09-06T07:40:00.000-04:00

There were no coffee beans this morning. I slept only 5 hours. If SeaHusband were here this would never have happened.

A couple of "Firsts"

2011-09-02T22:44:00.002-04:00

Summer is speeding by! SCHOOL is open and I know this because the school bus has resumed ripping through our quiet residential street at 40 mph. Also the ice cream truck has given it up. Thank God.

SeaHusband finished a three-week hitch and headed to a Mid Atlantic location to study for his Chief Mate/ Master exam. The plan was to study there for two weeks but he came home early and completely surprised me - walked into our bedroom while we were talking on the phone. Actually, he gave me a pretty good scare! Luckily I was NOT eating cupcakes in bed or watching Jersey Shore (either of which could be plausible), I was at the desk working. It was a great surprise and the first time he has done this.

He spent the next 5 days at home studying about 8 hours a day. It was so nice to have him here: the family together at home for 5 days in a row. It was the first time he's been home and occupied completely by something other than us, so it was a little strange. Our daughter, who is 2, was quite perplexed as to why Daddy could not play constantly, but he enjoyed her interruptions and tried to include her as much as possible.

(Oh look, first Blog Photo!)

Then it was off to Boston where he spent three grueling days and came home a FIRST MATE. I am so proud.

And while he was taking exams we had one more "first", the kids first ride on a tugboat.

Here's me and the SeaBabies with our dear friend Capt. Dave, aboard the Rowan in Portland.

Happy first week of September to you!

Fish or Cut Bait

2011-07-24T12:32:00.001-04:00

If I read one more parenting article or mommy blog that suggests I lower my standards and "let the house be messy" as a solution for dealing with how-the-hell-will-I-get-it-all-done stress, I will spit. A toy-strewn living room and piles of un-folded laundry do nothing to lower my blood pressure - quite the contrary.
Staying at home with the children is a dream-come-true for many hardworking Moms out there. Our decision for this sort of arrangement was easy to imagine, easy to execute, but remains difficult to master. It was easy to imagine because it just made sense for one of us to be home full time since SeaHusband is away so much. The transition was pretty simple. My little home office in our bedroom has a nice Ikea desk, and all the necessary tools I need to edit cruising guides. I work when I can - when I have child care or when the children are sleeping. It is a very nice situation for which I am very grateful.

And yet...
I
CAN'T
GET
ANYTHING
DONE
!

The dishes, the cleaning, the laundry, the chapters due to my editor, the blog, the lawn mowing, the bills, the laundry, the laundry, the laundry! Not to mention the downtime needed for my sanity.
So I've been lured into reading some of the "Mommy Blogs" and have actually found a few keepers which offer some great simple ideas for ways to get ahead of the piles of work, and stay ahead.

I think this one is my favorite. The message is simple, Get it Done Early or as we like to say here in New England, "Quit friggin around! Fish or cut bait."

I've been making an attempt in the past few days to apply this theory and so far it's working. I am slowly gaining ground on the to-do lists and my living room is not a fall hazard... for now... because they are sleeping. But the good news is that I will have a full 9 weeks to put these good suggestions into practice - because that's how long he's going to be gone this time.

best day/ worst day

2011-07-18T23:00:00.000-04:00

Saturday was the BEST DAY; boating, kids, sun, swimming, beer, great friends.
Sunday was the WORST DAY; him packing, tearful two-year old saying "stay home Papa", the long drive to the airport, goodbye for 3 weeks or maybe as long as 9 weeks.

alone and still

2011-07-09T23:09:00.001-04:00

This quote from a thread on gCaptain,

"...you have to find a strong spouse who can be okay alone and still be okay to allow you into the world she has had to create, when you are there..Thats a hard thing to do..it's hard to find a person that is willing to put up with that..."

The Numbers

2011-06-30T06:13:00.002-04:00

I have been avoiding this for quite some time because I know I will not like the results. Also, because I know there are many families whose numbers look "worse".
In the past 180 days (six months) SeaHusband has been at home 40 days.
It's true that he has had much more time than that "off" his ship, but for much of the "off" time there is required training that takes him away from home.
We were fortunate these past 6 months to have the opportunity to travel with him on two occasions while he was training.("We" meaning myself, the two-year old, and the baby.) Though not exactly a relaxing vacation, it did mean we could eat dinner with him every night and breakfast together every morning which adds an additional 21 days of time spent together.
So, 61 out of 180 days. That's not too bad. I wish I knew where military wives find the strength to say goodbye for much longer than I have ever had to.

Things that happen while he's away.

2011-06-28T13:07:00.000-04:00

Inevitably "Shit Happens" when SeaHusband is away. These things happen when he is here too, its just that, well usually he's NOT here. (Actual number of days home and away is being saved for another post)
The events vary greatly in intensity and in category... depending on the seasons and the stages that the children are in. Here are a few of the things I've dealt with most recently:
Cleaning out a Gutter. During a rain storm I noticed one of our breezeway gutters was spilling over the top, meaning that the spout was totally clogged, the gutter was full and could fall off the roof at any moment. Leaving the baby and toddler inside I climbed up a ladder in the wind and the rain and poked a stick down the spout to free it up. It worked and the kids were still alive when I went back in, SUCCESS!
Repairing the Sump Pump. The pump was running continuously during dinner one night so I went to take a look. The uptake hose had separated from the pump so that the water was being just recirculated and not pumped out! It was raining hard, there was a lot of water coming in and we do not have a backup sump pump. The toddler was fastened safely into her highchair and the baby was asleep so I reached three feet down into the sump hold to locate the loosened hose clamp. Holding a Mag light in my mouth I found where the clamp needed to be placed, tightened it back up and TaDa. Success.
Hornets Nest in the Mail Box. Well it took me about three days to deal with this because I was so scared. But finally I grabbed the garden hose and gave the nest a good hard blast for a few seconds and then ran inside hoping not to be stung. I didn't get rid of the whole nest, but I also did not get stung. Partial success. (SeaHusband can remove the remainder when he gets home.)

Social SeaWife Check-in

2011-06-20T22:30:00.000-04:00

Socializing with immediate family does not count. Though they are wonderful and a very important part of my life, family sometimes have a tendency to leave us all exhausted, don't they?
So, here's my Social SeaWife recap for the past week:
Tuesday - No socialization.
Wednesday - No socialization
Thursday - Got a babysitter and had dinner out with MIL, SIL and a friend. Good time, great food, but being with family doesn't always give you the outlet you need.
Friday - went to playgroup, met new "mom" who lives in the area and her husband is military and away much of the time. Super hopeful that she and I could become friends.
Saturday - Visited with Aunt and Cousin in a place I've never been before. Points deducted for hanging with family, but points regained for getting out of the house with both kids and dog and going on an adventure to a new place. ( It was a not-yet occupied kids summer camp on a lake and it was SO fun!)
Sunday - Dragged a Mommy friend to a 5k. Had a great time, walked 5k, ate a hotdog, listened to live music (ok, so it was kids music).
Monday - No socialization

Not bad for my first week really putting effort in. Now, to keep the momentum going. More dinner plans this week with non-family members.

2011-06-18T09:25:00.000-04:00

You know you're a SeaWife when:
your husband offers to take you sailing in the Caribbean, but you would honestly rather just spend time with him at home.

Inspiration

2011-06-14T13:01:00.000-04:00

Things that bring me inspiration include the every day beauty of the world, my children, and my husbands dedication to his job and family. But sometimes I look to other people for support and inspiration. Here are links to a few of them.

Megan the Nautie Mermate is a classmate of mine from Maritime Academy. She ships, she blogs, and she is great.

Deep Water Writing I'm sure I've mentioned before. His observations at sea and ashore are full and vibrant, a pleasure to read and someone who understands the Life of a SeaWife more than most.

Something else that inspired me recently was a book, The Sea Captains Wife by Beth Powning. Though it is a novel, the clarity of detail about shipping and the hills and valleys of emotion that are a part of all Seawives, were all captured and presented so well I found myself glued to the pages.

Social Sea Wife

2011-06-12T21:55:00.000-04:00

Not wanting to admit how long it's been since I wrote, I won't number the months, but it's been quite a long time. Time enough to have a second baby, renovate the kitchen and to look ahead towards What The Heck We Will Do Next. Time for the excitement of a new home and the terror of new parenthood to calm enough that we can begin to look ahead to the next step in our lives. The next leg of our voyage.

The social life of a Sea Wife is a bit complex. When he is home the social gatherings are squeezed in between other necessary things like his training and studying, home maintenance and of course spending time with me and the children. There are all sorts of family gatherings; BBQ's (or cookouts, you might call them), birthday dinners, graduation parties and whatnot. We attend together and juggle the children and pass them around to various aunties and uncles. Friend gatherings are less frequent partly because of limited time and family coming first but also partly due not having found a regular way to socialize as a family with young children. When he is at sea it's the friend gatherings that I crave and that only rarely happen. And so, I feel a bit lonely.

There are all sorts of excuses for why I don't engage more with our friends, the top two of those excuses are a Two Year Old and a Six-Month Old. But I'm trying to turn over a new leaf, drop the excuses, call the baby sitter and go out for a night with the girls, send out a text for a cook-out invite. So what if the house is not in perfect order. Forget trying to cook a perfect meal, I'll tell guests to bring a dish to share and I'll throw together a salad. If the kids are having a rough night, well the guests will have to understand, and will probably take pity on me and do a few dishes. Too often I put off socializing with friends for "...when he is home to help." No more! Socialize or bust! Besides, I have a new kitchen to share!

Sea Husband and I often spend time dreaming of being somewhere "else". A different house, a smaller town, closer to these friends or further from those family members. If I could redirect that effort spent dreaming of greener pastures, and point that effort towards socializing, perhaps I would find that where we are is a wonderful place after all.

License

2009-08-30T19:35:00.003-04:00

Right - it's been a while. The three of you who read my blog know that Seababy has arrived. She is beautiful, healthy, and now is six months old.

Other exciting news is that I have renewed my USCG license. I hold a 500-ton Mate Oceans license with an Auxiliary Sailing Endorsement. Fancy, right? It took four years at a maritime academy and every summer in between to earn it. Well that license is due to expire in a few months and seeing as I don't have the sea time to properly renew it and I don't care to take the exam with a six month old baby wailing behind me, I have decided to "renew for continuity purposes only". I'm not sure exactly what the origins of this option were, but I am awfully glad the option is there. For someone in my situation it is perfect.

The last time I sailed professionally was an eight- week hitch on a research vessel out of Seattle. I sailed as an AB during the two months I had free from working at a state university as a maritime course administrator. That was in 2007. Since then all my sea time has been on small recreational boats and for pleasure - and sure I have enough experience that I could write my own sea time letter, but I think that's cheating and besides, I'd never be able to fake the tonnage.

So in a last ditch attempt to not totally wave goodbye to the piece of paper with fancy scroll work that I worked so hard to earn, I decided to renew for continuity. The process was frighteningly easy - I printed off the proper forms from the Internet, filled them out, and mailed them in to my local REC. Four – to- ten weeks later I received in the mail from the NMC a license with the words FOR CONTINUITY PURPOSES ONLY written after all my fancy endorsements and qualifications. As I stood there holding it, a feeling of sadness washed over me. Expecting relief, because the process was so easy, the sadness settled heavily on my heart - on my ego. "For Continuity Purposes Only" means that I am not eligible to work under this license. Not as a Mate, not as an AB, and certainly not as a 100 -ton Captain. My license is not expired, but it's also not valid to work on. The ink on the paper looked cheap. The paper felt thin and...worthless.

Then Seababy smiled at me from her blanket on the floor.
It's not worthless. I worked hard for that license and spent four dedicated years studying for it. The reality is I'm not going to sea anytime soon, not on a commercial vessel. Someday - hopefully sooner than later - I will go to sea with my family, Seahusband, Seababy and maybe even MORE Seababies, and I will use that knowledge and maybe even take the exam to make part of my license legit again. The knowledge dosen’t go away, (well OK, maybe my flashing light is a little rusty) but it's all still there and maybe, just maybe, I will find other ways to make to make a living with it. And if not - who cares. I have a bigger challenge on my hands, and this one takes much more than four years of dedication.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T18:48:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas.
It was a busy holiday. I shopped and wrapped gifts for my family and his. Packed it all into the car – the gifts, cookies, dog and pillows needed for a decent sleep at 8 months pregnant. We (the dog and I) drove two and a-half hours north to spend the night with my parents. The drive was long and tiring followed by a long uncomfortable night in the guest room, followed by a wonderful morning of gift giving and family banter. Sea Husband called to say Merry Christmas to all from the Gulf of Mexico. He sounded sad and I know he was and I wished for the words to make it ok but there were none. Our daughter is due in mid February and in order for Sea Husband to be home when she arrives he has to be at sea for Christmas. He was at sea for Thanksgiving too, so we celebrated two weeks early with a huge bird, all the trimmings and family- it felt like the real thing even though it was two weeks early. We are celebrating Christmas late – at least his mother, sister and I. We are holding off on most gifts until he is home next week. We will have another feast and it will feel like Christmas. But I still miss him tonight. After I left my folks I drove another two and a-half hours to be with his mother and sister for a feast. There was a deep fried turkey, dressing, and cookies galore. A few gifts were exchanged. As the night draws to a close I feel very lucky to have two families who love me when there are those in the world with none. I feel blessed to have a child in my belly and most of all to have a husband who loves me and loves me enough to sacrifice the holiday season so he can be home when we welcome a baby into our home. It will be a busy and happy spring. I am happy, blessed and loved, but I still miss him tonight.

The circle of life.

2008-10-06T10:33:00.001-04:00

One of the great things about working ashore in an office is joining that wonderful CLEAN world of nicely dressed business people, comfortable and tidy offices, and "restrooms" with never ending supplies of TP. There is no rust busting, no once a week laundry privileges, no head cleaning - or de-clogging, no painting, no greasing lifeboat bearings, no awkward bridge-window cleaning, no engineering issues with heating and cooling and I can wear heels if I want to. (though I don't very often). I can buy pretty purses, and match them to my shoes, granted my shoes may be Dansko clogs, but dammit they are shiny and they are not grubby sneakers, or worse - steel toed work boots. These things I have been especially glad for and when ever I feel that longing for a an at-sea sunrise, I remind my self of all these luxury's.
However, recently our office has moved into a different space,after a major company downsizing and some things I was taking for granted have now ceased to exist. We no longer have nighttime office cleaners. That popcorn I had at 2:30 last Thursday.... still on the floor, empty bag still in the trash under my desk. The bathrooms... not being cleaned, AND we now have to stock our own TP. The heat is kept low to save money... so much for my cute new short sleeved maternity top. I have an electric space heater going and am wearing fingerless gloves and a wool zip up sweater - I wish I had thought to put on wool socks today. (and it's only October!) It has been suggested that we clean our own office including the bathroom... and I realize I sound a bit whiny here, but honestly! I though I was joining the world of suits and ties, and Banana Republic matching separates! At least no one has asked me to chip paint.

The Stay at Home Seawife

2008-09-28T19:01:00.001-04:00

Being a Seawife I already feel like I "stay at home". I mean compared to what most of my peers from the maritime academy are doing, shipping out in one form or another, I do "stay at home". While at home (or ashore) I also work 40 hours a week for a company which makes nautical charts and cruising guides. I love my job, I love the people I work with and I especially love that I am using my maritime education though it has been a struggle at times to grapple with the fact that I haven't set foot on a commercial vessel for over two years. But now, expecting a Seababy I am grappling with the NEW meaning of "stay at home".

On Friday I told my boss that I would not be returning to work full time after the baby is born but that I would very much hope to be kept on part time and from home. Is some ways this sounds like a totally unreasonable request - I should just be lucky to have a job especially after my company was recently downsized by about 90 percent. But I know in my heart and in my head, that I could not work full time and send my child to daycare, and keep an orderly house and a happy husband. Doing some research on the Internet I keep coming across articles which say things like "if you are fortunate enough...", "if your budget allows...", "if you can afford the luxury of..." being a stay-at-home-mom. When did staying at home with your kids become a luxury? Don't get me wrong. I am so very grateful for all the women of history who have broken down doors and have so far allowed me into a school, and a career where previously only males existed, but now it seems our society has swung the opposite direction. You are an inadequate woman if you CANT handle a career and a family at the same time! (The emergence of Sarah Palin has brought many of these issues to the forefront of discussions and I am glad for that - though I'm not a huge fan of her possibly being our Vice President.) Anyhow, I was very relieved to have the support of my parents, family and husband and also my co-workers as I made the decision to Stay At Home, at least partially, while I watch the little one grow.

SeaSister

2008-09-09T10:21:00.003-04:00

By the way, my dear little sister is spending 9 months in Germany as a nanny. Here is her blog. Thus far she follows in my footsteps of not updating on a regular basis, not posting photos and including questionable punctuation and spelling. But she's cool and I love her so maybe you will enjoy it too. PS -She is a SeaSister, because she went to sea for four months in high school with Ocean Classroom. She also has taught sailing for 4 years to the kiddies in our hometown. If only I could get her to attend a Maritime Academy, I'd have the perfect clone!

Seahouse and Seababy

2008-09-08T12:45:00.002-04:00

We bought a house. Seawife and Seafaring Husband are now homeowners. He has been home for the move and settling in parts – which is good because I’ve been busy, creating a placenta and feeding a being who has decided a good place to grow, is my womb. That makes me tired and weak.
The recent hurricanes in the Gulf Of Mexico have affected this time home a little – though firstly I am relieved he has not been IN the storms! Now, it is time to throw a lovely housewarming party to celebrate our piece of the American Dream Debt Pie and to schedule it when he will be home. He MAY be leaving tomorrow or later this week, though the scheduling office in Texas was evacuated and is still without power. So if he were to leave this week it’s most likely that we would hear at the last minute and he would be gone within 24 hours. If we don’t hear by Thursday – it could be safe to assume he’ll not be called to duty for another two weeks with the next crew change. Being the social coordinator for a husband who goes to sea is a difficult task.

Day 1

2008-04-07T20:33:00.001-04:00

Day 1.

Today he left for a 28 day hitch. New ship, new company, new crew and new hope for a good working environment. We call it a hitch not a deployment because we are Merchant Mariners.

Today I feel relaxed, confidant, like a good Seawife battening down the hatches while my husband will be away for a few weeks. I went to work, made phone calls to the realtor, bank and insurance offices (we're about to buy our first house). After work I took the dog for a more than adequate 40 minutes of playtime at the park then went to yoga (Bikram of course). The dog needed a good hosing off in the dark when we got home - it is mud season here in New England.

A good day, a good start to a hitch. No anxiety, no tears, a good Seawife.

2008-03-16T21:46:00.003-04:00

Just a Girl in a Port has exhaled that sigh, and I know just how she feels. I have to hold my breath for a few more days but it won't be long now. Chin up, hands busy, smile.

Bedtime

2008-03-16T21:46:00.002-04:00

Nights are the hardest for me. Sometimes I stay up real late just to be sure I will fall asleep fast and not have time to feel sorry for my self. Laundry at 11pm? You bet!

How can I keep from singing

2008-03-05T15:16:00.002-05:00

He was going to be arriving home at 8:30 pm, but has moved his flight up to 5pm! I was counting on using those few hours between work and his arrival to "set things right" in the house; do the pile of dishes, vacuum up the dog hair, change the sheets, maybe prepare a nice little meal, music, candles ect. but now..... !! It'll be a mad dash to get home before he does and I guess I'll probably only have time for the dishes and the vacuuming. Oh well, a bottle of Knob Creek ought to make up for rest. Happy Day!

2008-03-04T19:22:00.003-05:00

I haven’t blogged for a while. Like Kiwi at Sea I have started and not completed many entries. Here in a blog nutshell is what I’ve been doing that I couldn't bring my self to post a single entry for quite some time.

My husband was home for a very nice long holiday season beginning before Thanksgiving and lasting into the second week of January. While this was lovely amount of time to spend together, it was also NOT part of the financial “plan-to-success” or as we like to say “we had to dip into the Morris Fund”. (Yes, aren’t I smart, I’ve figured out how to use hyperlinks.)

Part of the reason he was home so long what that he had left one job where he found the ship unsafe and the work more racking on his body than he wanted. Totally understandable, I need my husband to be both living and healthy for this marriage to work. So during his time off he looked at many different jobs and settled on a temporary assignment in the armpit of the earth, otherwise known as Port Fuchon, LA. Now I have never been to Port Fuchon but I’m heard it’s not a real tourist destination.

The other part of the reason my sailor husband was home so long was his father’s impending death. So as per Murphy’s Law as soon as Husband heads off the dirty bath of the Gulf of Mexico, his father took a turn for the worse. Luckily the company had pity and got him home as quickly as possible and a son was able to be by his father’s side at the time of death. Everything went as well as a death could possibly go.

I was in Seattle for work at this time and was able to catch a red eye back in time to help with all the arrangements. It was a long weekend preceded by a week of 10 hour days in the booth at the Seattle Boat Show. Monday came and went and husband was back at Sea by Friday.

THEN came the big news as work. I work for a company in the maritime industry and a few Thursdays ago we found out we are For Sale. The following day people from were let go and all weekend I paced the house wondering if I would last the following week. Well I did. I am one of the lucky ones who works in a division that will very likely be bought and with some luck I may even get to keep my job.
It has been absolutely heartbreaking to see people being “let go” at work. It has reminded me once more to count my lucky stars. Husband and I have no mortgage, no children and two incomes. This is not the case for many of the people who have been let go from the company. At work, it’s been like scenes straight out of Office Space ever since the Announcement. I love this job and this company and I hope to buckle in and hang on as we go through some changes.

Vulnerable

2008-03-04T18:44:00.001-05:00

Vulnerable.
vul·ner·a·ble
Function: adjective
Etymology: Late Latin vulnerabilis, from Latin vulnerare to wound, from vulner-, vulnus wound; probably akin to Latin vellere to pluck, Greek oulē wound
Date: 1605

1:capable of being physically or emotionally wounded
2 : open to attack or damage : assailable
3 : liable to increased penalties but entitled to increased bonuses after winning a game in contract bridge

When my husband is at sea I sometimes feel this way. It’s a strange sensation that I feel most when he first leaves and then again just before he comes home, usually beginning around day 24 or 25.
I first noticed this feeling while driving. There was a time 5 or 6 years ago when I was a bit of an aggressive driver; a vehicle tailgating mine would find they suddenly had to stop short when I slammed on my breaks and stuck my finger out the window. Not very lady-like I know. Eventually I graduated to not sticking my finger out the window and just pretending to have seen a cat or some wildlife that made me stop so suddenly, but I still had the evil sly sneer on my face when I glanced back at them in the mirror. Luckily I have grown up enough now that I no longer slam on my breaks when someone is riding my stern a bit too close. If they are terribly aggressive I will pull over, right off the road if it’s safe to, and let them pass. Now, here’s the vulnerability part. If I’m feeling brave (and usually I am) I’ll smile a REALLY big fake smiley and wave vivaciously at them hoping they somehow will feel bad about their act. But if I’m missing my sailor or feeling especially alone in the world I will look away and not make eye contact because horrible visions of being followed and further harassed fill my head! What if they follow me home! What if they try to smash into my car with theirs! What if….?! It’s ridiculous I know, and to tell the truth I often miss the girl who thought nothing of flipping off some meathead in a huge truck with truck nuts and a NASCAR sticker.
Just a few moments ago a car smashed into a snow pile at the entrance to our driveway. I heard a loud squeal and a crunch and then a revving engine and looked out the window of my rental to investigate. There perched atop the snow pile was a black sedan. The car’s front axel was entirely off the ground about 5 feet off the pavement and onto MY yard and MY snow pile. I did not recognize the car or the male driver and I called the police. A few years ago, before marriage, before knowing the feeling of security that only my husband can offer me, I would be been out he door with a snow shovel, a phone, and a mag light showing no fear and even offering to help push this car back onto the road. Today I peaked through the curtains and waited with my breath held for the police to come – which they did promptly. A tow truck was called and the whole thing is now over. But that one incident will have me feeling on edge for the rest of the night. He comes home tomorrow.

Home. Change.

2007-12-03T20:25:00.000-05:00

He's home and he's changing jobs. Recently I was asked, "when does your husband go back to sea?" The honest answer is of course, " I don't know" , but to many that answer is not suitable, not comprehensible. "You don't KNOW?!" they exclaim. I then must launch into my practiced dialogue about why I don't know and more specifically why I must not pretend to care too much about when my husband will leave home and return to sea. "He could be leaving as early as this weekend and heading to the Gulf of Mexico for two or four weeks. Or, he might be headed to the coast of Africa for anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months. He will not be home for Christmas, most likely, though that may change depending on his new job schedule, so I can't plan on it anyhow."

And to the question of "Do you have any plans this weekend?"' I must always smile and say casually, "Well none specifically, just a quiet family weekend." When what I really want to say is that ,no, how could I possibly make plans for this coming weekend, when it may turn out to be the only chance to celebrate Christmas with him this year. Likewise I must be sensitive that it might be his fathers LAST Christmas.

The invitation of "Dinner next week?" is often replied with a more polite version of the following ... "Oh how nice of you to ask I will get back to you within three to five days and we may or may not even be able to commit at that time, could we just play it by ear and maybe have you over for pizza but then cancel at the last minute because he's leaving tomorrow."

And yet though all of this I have never been happier, never felt luckier, and never been smiling so much for so long. Each minute, each hour we spend together is the most precious thing to us and we make it count. Each fight, ends with passionate apologies and promises to come to a compromise. Each laugh is drawn out, and an appreciation you can only find in a best friend is fulfilled. There are times, when I am unsure of my ability to accept this lifestyle, but THIS time, right NOW, I am HAPPY.

Dear Husband at Sea

2007-11-04T21:06:00.000-05:00

I wrote this to him in an e-mail tonight. Things have been going pretty well, but sometimes we all have bad days. He called tonight because it was his Dad's birthday, and his Dad's health is... well, not so good. I detected a hint of sadness in his voice over the satphone and it nearly broke my heart, so I wrote him this:

"Do not be sad that you are not here, for you are at sea supporting your family. Who wants to be another nine-to-five guy, that's not your style, not your groove. I know this has been a rough hitch, because you were not home long enough last time, you know it too. This is just our life baby, it's what we've chosen to do. I'm trying my best to stand tall and be tough, but when I hear your voice waver, I falter too. My tough skin exists only if yours is tough too. Your family loves you, and misses you so much, but at least when you are home you are HERE and not somewhere far away and out of touch. I know it's hard babe, I've worked on ships too, but enjoy your adventures for someday you will yearn for them again. Hop fully the sadness I heard in your voice was just a passing mood, a brief fall from grace. "

Passion is something we must all be thankfull for. I don't subscribe to any particular religion, but I thank GOD every night to have a husband so strong and so passionate.

Fall Winds Blow

2007-10-23T19:23:00.000-04:00

The fall winds are blowing the leaves off the trees here in New Hampshire. It's absolutely beautiful to see the swirls of bright yellow, gold, fiery orange, red and brown mixed up and dancing around to the rhythm of warm southerly wind. The windows are open, though we replaced the screen door with glass today. We also called the oil company to set up delivery for the coming winter and we talked about finances for the next four weeks.

He is leaving tomorrow. Heading to Panama this time. It's been a short three weeks that he's been home this time; too short. For some reason three weeks is just not long enough... it's like a long school vacation, an extended absence from work, or a brief tour through a foreign country. It's not long enough. However, LAST hitch he was home for five weeks... so that is the trade off. I took part of the day off today to spend time with him. We didn't do anything too special... just to be near each other for a few more hours. I'm not choking up. I can't allow my self to feel sad. This is not tragic. There are millions of things in this world that are tragic but this is not. This is not tragic. This is a common cold among cancer. This a paper cut next to a lost limb. I will bring him to the airport tomorrow and he will be back in 28 days.

Comfort of the Sealife

2007-09-04T20:03:00.000-04:00

I miss the early morning breeze, the fresh salt air, and the structure found aboard a ship. From the simplicity and necessity of a ships daily ritual comes a comfort which I have never been able to replicate ashore. No where but on a ship have I ever appreciated a bed so much. In the belly of a wooden sailing ship a narrow coffin like space, lined with a 3 inch thick foam mat, and with a thin slightly mildewed curtain has been for me a place of shelter, tranquility and calm it is as a mother kangaroos pouch must feel to her baby. In the narrow forward cabin on a small research ship with the bow thrusters waking me when as the ship struggles to keep station, I have found peace unmatched by the enormous queen pillow topped mattress which we recently purchased off the show room floor. No amount of pillows nor any thread count of sheets will ever match the safe and serene sleep I have found on ships.

Thinking about this comfort now I hope my husband is feeling that same comfort as he settles into his bunk, on his ship. He arrived on board early this morning after a long flight to Trinidad. During our brief phone conversation this afternoon on the sat phone he mentioned being terribly sick with a stomach bug similar to one I had weeks ago. I was so lucky he was with me to help me through it and now I wish him a speedy recovery and comfort in his bunk. (Most call them racks, I call them bunks... it's habit I never dropped from my time traditional sailing ships.)

After dropping above mentioned sailor at the airport yesterday I proceeded to deal with his departure in the best way I know how. Cleaning. I started with the dishes in the late morning around 11 and then noticed that the silverware sorter needed a scrubbing and so did the entire drawer. Then it was on to the kitchen floor which received a sweep and a hand scrubbing including the spot underneath the recycling container which often gets skipped when in a hurry. Then as the floor was drying it was outside to water the plants, dead head the flowers and dammit if the car didn't need a good shining up as well. The car, engine, and tires all scrubbed it was only logical to move on to the interior of the car but the shop vac was in dis-repair so a quick Internet order later and the missing part is on it's way. Since I couldn't vacuum the car the laundry presented it's self next and managed to keep me busy for a few more minutes. When all this was done I looked at my watch and noticed it was only 1:30 pm. Drat. Time goes so slowly when you are counting down 28 days. Well a lawn chair, nail file and Glamour magazine managed to relax me a little bit and ease me into the late afternoon and begin to enjoy my time alone. A long brisk walk with the dog topped off the day and made me tired enough to rest my eyes at bed time.

Keeping busy is what you do on a ship, the ships clock never stops and the routine begins again every 24 hours. I'm happy I'm not at sea but I hope I can bring some of the structure, the routine and the comfort of ships life in to my home life.

Love

2007-08-29T05:26:00.000-04:00

We've been married a little under two years. It has been like nothing I could ever imagine. Through I don't know what I envisioned marriage to be like, it is better that I could taken from any fairy tale with knights and princesses (those stories are just about lust anyhow).

Last night we went on a date to a local beach arcade. We played skee-ball ("Fun for the WHOLE family!") till our eyes crossed and driving games and shooting games. Them we went to the taffy store for freshly made saltwater taffy and ended with pizza on the beach watching the full moon rise over the Atlantic Ocean. I don't know if life gets any better than that. He wanted to take me on this date and show me this attention, not to right any wrong doing or to make up from a fight, just because he wanted to show me a good time. This is LOVE.

He's Leaving

2007-08-26T20:30:00.000-04:00

He's leaving. On Wednesday ( we think... you never know untill about 48 hours before the flight) my husband will fly back to his ship which we think (again, all things subject to change) will be in Trinidad. We have had a wonderful time while he's been home. It's summer in the Northeast so of course it's really busy; sun, sand and all the things that go along with it. Last weekend we spent three days traveling through Vermont and New Hampshire on the most wonderful and romamtic "getaway" anyone could imagine. I started a new job last Tuesday after recovering from a bout of food poisioning. Thank god he was home for that... I'm not sure how that would have gone if he wasn't around to help me get through that. The new job is going really well and I'm excited to ease into fall with a new routine.

He's been having a little trouble with his free time. It's difficult for most people, I think, to have a set amount of free time during which you must relax before the free time ends and work begins again. He's very good at staying busy, but to the point where (here we go with the wife nagging) some of the things that must get done are passed by. Fishing trips take precedence over changing the oil in the car, etc.

About three days ago I started thinking about him leaving. My moods began to swing a bit more toward the unhappy and my paticients began to slowly thin like a piece of bubble gum streached tight. Friends and family poking fun at me have been met with a stern glare and a snappy and defensve retort insead of the usualy friendly banter. He's leaving. He'll be gone for 28 days. It's time to put on my armour. No one else will be around the walk the dog, no one else to do the banking if I'm at work, no one to come home to at the end of the day. Things change, I will watch trashy television and eat popcorn for dinner instead of watching Discovery Channel and having a complete and well balanced meal. It's not bad really, I LOVE popcorn and trashy TV and I think everyone should be so lucky to have that sort of time to them selves. I think becoming a bit of a grouch is just a result of trying to deal with the impending transition.

This is the life we've chosen. It's not a bad life. Just a different one.

Early Morning Fishing

2007-08-10T07:39:00.000-04:00

This morning we went fishing at 5am. The fishing part was his idea and my idea was to see the sunrise and be on the water in the early morning, which I hadn't done in a while. We brought mugs of steaming coffee, the dog, five fishing poles, and two tackle boxes. I'm not sure yet how I feel about fishing, but here is what I do know:
I like being on the water.
The sunrise was beautiful.
I like to eat fish.
We didn't catch any fish.
We never catch any fish, or if we do we throw them back...something about being too small.
I don't like to catch fish, and then not eat them, it does not make sense to me.
Perhaps in the future a more conclusive opinion about the act of fishing will develop, but for now it's sort of a gray area for me. My husband on the other hand has a strange attraction to fishing that I can't decipher. The thrill of the hunt? When I was a child, my dad and I would go hunting for rabbit. We usually caught one and we always ate it. It was delicious and it was the only meat we would eat, store bought meat rarely crossed our table. I understood hunting with my dad, it was exciting, and there was an end result you could eat. But this fishing obsession I am struggling with.

Anyhow, we motored about the Piscattaqua River, through the back channel, past the old Wentworth Hotel and back up the mouth of the river. I stopped casting after about an hour mumbling something about my arm hurting. Just as I was settling onto a cushioned seat with the dog and my coffee, I was asked to take the wheel and "just hold us here for a few minutes". Well a few minutes turned into 45 and then the constant barrage of directions on how to "just hold us here" made it seem even longer. So much for my coffee. A few sighs and eye rolls finally got me relieved of my helm duties and we headed out of the protected harbor and onto the ocean. The sun was above the horizon but behind clouds, still low in the sky and the colors of a new day were drawn out a few minutes longer. We sped up and rode through the swells, all annoyance of the past 45 minutes lost with the first deep breath of salt air. How many people have written about this exact feeling, the flushing of salt air as if cleansing every cell in your body. I don't need to concentrate on a deep yoga breath, the sweetness of the air forces me to drink it in slowly, turn my head into the wind and let each hair be resulted just slightly so as to create a tingling feeling on my scalp. Nose up slightly to catch even more of the wind in my nostrils, slow grin on my face and all the while watching the colors of the sky, listening to the sound of the water rushing by, smelling and tasting the sweet salt air and feeling cleansed like a first baptism. But this isn't the first time I've felt this, and it's far from the last. I will go early morning fishing anytime.

Chapter One: He's home

2007-08-08T15:47:00.004-04:00

He surprised me three days early. It was a nice surprise, however I hadn't had time to clean the house and grocery shop and otherwise eliminate the evidence of my single girl life style. But none the less I was happy to see him.

This is my first blog. I am nervous. Who will read this? Will anyone read it? I think EB White had the right idea when he wrote this:

"The essayist is a self-liberated man, sustained by the childish belief that everything he thinks about, everything that happens to him, is of general interest. He is a fellow who thoroughly enjoys his work, just as people who take bird walks enjoy theirs. Each new excursion of the essayist, each new "attempt," differs from the last and takes him into new country. This delights him. Only a person who is congenitally self-centered has the effrontery and the stamina to write essays."

About me: I wear stained Carrharts, clear Mabeline Mascara, and Channel Lip Gloss. I am a graduate of a Maritime Academy in the Northeast. My husband "ships out" which means he goes to work on a boat for extended periods of time. I stay at home.

The intention of this blog is write about my unusual lifestyle for the entertainment and benefit of others, as well as to provide a creative outlet for my literary self. You will find many spelling errors and even more grammatical errors. I have my writers Harbrace on the desk and each mistake you point out I will gladly learn from.

Back to being a Seawife: He is away for 28 days at a time and home for 28 days. Now, I fully realize that this is NOTHING compared to what some seawives endure. Many in the Merchant Marine ship out for 4 to 6 months at a time. Furthermore, there are wives of those in the US Military who are gone for an unspecified amount of time with greater risk and probably less cash. ( I won't get into the war at this point, as I'm sure there are thousands of other blogs which cover that.)
However, our situation is still far from normal and as EB White so eloquently said above, I am certain everyone else is interested.
This is it, the first entry. Thank you for reading, tune in for the ride anytime.